I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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