how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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