If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
