Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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