yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
