I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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