I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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