dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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