I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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