it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
