I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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