Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Shitshow foam night was such a success
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
