i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
