In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
