I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
