I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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