Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
