I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
