dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
