Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
