Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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