Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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