i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
