i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
