i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
