Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
as a side note pls kill me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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