i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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