I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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