omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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