I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
