everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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