Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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