Little spoons don't ask big questions
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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