i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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