Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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