I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
