Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
