dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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