chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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