If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
