her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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