she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
