He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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