haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
