i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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