I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
