normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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