Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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