I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
