I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
