Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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