I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
